July Music Horoscopes


Cancer (June 21- July 22)

Original Soundtrack / Cliff Martinez – Drive

You are a sensitive lil’ guy, just like Ryan Gosling. Don’t let those everyday annoyances get to you. You are a real human bean, and this album will be a perfect pick-me-up to help remind you of this.  Put on your sick crab back patch track jacket and listen to this tender album “forever ever”.


Leo (July 23- August 22)Leo

Boris – Pink

Venus moves from retrograde to the tennis courts this month, providing you with eventful and productive weeks. As a Leo, you are forward thinking and creative, and this album will do anything but BORE you. Enter the tone zone and cross some more things off your to do list.




Virgo (August 23 – September 22)

The Avalanches – Wildflower

At least ten space things are in retrograde causing you to feel not one hunned. You may have spent some quiet days alone, and this album is perfect as it kinda sounds like people are having chill convos with you. The album is very methodical, and you are very precise. Put this album on before a planned nap.


Libra (September 23 – October 22)libra

Car Seat Headrest – Teens Of Denial

“You have no right to be depressed” this month, and the first track on this album will help you remember this. You definitely love talking teams and this album reminds you that “friends are better with”…you’ll just have to listen to the track to find out.



Scorpio (October 23 – November 21)Scorpio

TTNG – Disappointment

As a Scorpio you are very precise, you also probably like math – so listen to this math rock.  Throughout the month you were able to put forth some energy, like the stamina put towards the twinkly riffs featured in this album. Songs like “There’s no ‘I’ in Time” will help you question whether you like spices or the continuation of existence. THINK ABOUT IT.


Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21)Sagittarius

Bat For Lashes – The Bride

As Big Star approaches September,you may be reflectingon past loves. This sad album about love and stuff will help you get through this time. The songs are v soft and fragile, just like your heart. Blare the song “Land’s End” while shopping at Land’s End. Who knows, you may not be “Honeymooning Alone” for too long.


Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)capricorn

Omni – Deluxe

This month may have stressed you out a bit, Capricorn. You’re very professional, but you may have wanted to throw your arms up in grief. Put this album on to help people mistake your room pacing and jittery nods for sweet dance moves.

Aquarius (January 20 – February 18) Aquarius

The All-American Rejects – When The World Comes Down

This month may have been a lil’ rough for you, Aquarius, some might even say, “it gave you hell”.  “You wake up every evening, with a big smile on your face,” and even though you’ve been working hard, your plans may not  have panned out the way you expected. This album will be perfect because it’s got some sad songs but it also some middle school bangers, which is perfect for your soft yet energetic personality.


Pisces (February 19th – March 20th)

BadBadNotGood – IVpieces

This month you probs were trying to do you and someone just didn’t get it, like when you dyed your hair like Gerard Way and your parents were oblivious. This BadBadNotGood album is perfect to reflect your possible bad, bad, not good month. When you’re having a not so great day,play this album with its soothing tones and upbeat, game show-esque vibes.  You may not have felt like speaking up, which is totally cool, this album has a solid mixture of instrumentals and raspy vocals.


Aries (March 21 – April 19)

Blink 182 – CaliforniaAries

Yo Aries, the stars have aligned and Tom Delonge has returned from doing space things to deliver this album to your hometown. The drum parts featured in this album will be perfect for keeping your heart rate up, fueling your fast-paced lifestyle. You may have had some trouble compromising this month, and there’s nothing quite as stubborn as some dudes still trying to make pop-punk a thing, so listen to this album!



Taurus (April 20- May 20)

These Arms Are Snakes – Tail Shallower and Dove

As a Taurus, you’re kinda headstrong,and that hasn’t changed this month.This album can bring some brutal riffs and the vocals are a little harsh.Put on the song “Lucifer” when your roommate doesn’t take out the trash.



Gemini (May 21 – June 20)

Electric Light Orchestra – Time

As a Gemini, you may be a little indecisive and go back and forth with your music taste. This month, as the stars were doin’ some stuff in the sky, you may have felt tired and groggy. This album may start off a little slow, but then it sounds like your dad doing a sick transformers’ impression.

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