New Vinyl Releases 6/23/17

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  • 311 – Mosaic 2-LP Gatefold
  • BardSpec(Ivar Bjomson of
  • Enslaved) – Hydrogen
  • Bedouine – S/T Debut Album
  • Bestial Raids – Master Satan’s Witchery (Czech Import)
  • Big Boi (OutKast) – Boomiverse (‘Blue and White Swirl’ Vinyl)
  • Broken Hope – Mutilated And Assimilated  (180 Gram Neon Pink Vinyl)
  • Joe Bonamassa – Live at Carnegie Hall (180 Gram 3 LP)
  • Kirin J. Callinan – Bravado
  • The Chain Gang of 1974 – Felt
  • Celebration – Wounded Healer (Limited Edition Clear Vinyl)
  • Chimmney – S/T
  • The Deslondes – Hurry Home (150 gram Pressing)
  • Dying Fetus – Wrong One to Fuck With (‘Oxblood’ Colored Vinyl Limited to 500 Pressing
  • Ex Eye – S/T
  • Health – Disco3 (2 LP Pressing)
  • Helmet – Meantime (1992) 2017 Repressing
  • Gracie and Rachel – S/T Debut Album
  • Immortal – Diabolical Fullmoon Mysticism ‘Limited Edition Beer Colored Vinyl’
  • Iron Maiden – Rock in Rio (180 3-LP)
  • Iron Maiden – Dance of Death (2003) 180 gram 2-LP reissue from the 2015 remaster
  • Iron Maiden – Brave New World 180 gram 2-LP reissue from the 2015 remaster
  • Iron Maiden – A Matter of Life and Death 180 2-LP Reissue
  • JJ Doom – Bookhead (2017 Lex EU Pressing)
  • King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard – Murder of the Universe (‘Indie Exclusive’ Blood Pool colored Vinyl, Limited to 3000)
  • King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard – Murder of the Universe
  • Meshuggah – The Violent Sheep of Reason ( Grey with Black Splatter Limited to 1000)
  • The Monks – Hamburg Recordings 1967
  • Municipal Waste – Slime and Punishment (Bottle Green Vinyl Limited to 2300)
  • Willie Nile – Sings Bob Dylan
  • OneRepublic – Native (2 LP Reissue)
  • Post Malone – Stoney (2-LP Deluxe Reissue on Orange vinyl)
  • Prince and the Revolution – Purple Rain (1984)
  • Prince and the Revolution – Purple Rain/GOD 12″ Single Reissue
  • Prince and the Revolution – Purple Rain  Limited Edition Picture Disc
  • Prince and the Revolution – Let’s Go Crazy/ Erotic City 12″ Single Reissue
  • Prince and the Revolution – When Doves Cry/ 17 Days 12″ Single Reissue
  • Prince and the Revolution – I would Die 4 U / Another Lonely Christmas 12″ Single
  • Rozwell Kid – Precious Art  (Side One Dummy Limited Edition Colored Vinyl)
  • Ruts DC – Music Must Destroy
  • Schammasch – The Maldoror Chants: Hermaphrodite
  • Selena – The Last Concert (Recorded Live from the Houston Astrodome Feb 26,1995)
  • Slim Cessna’s Auto Club – Cipher
  • Soundtrack – 13 Reasons Why (Cassette Tape)
  • Steelism – Ism
  • Tigers Jaw – Spin (Black Cement Pressing on Turquoise Colored Vinyl)
  • Jeff Tweedy – Together At Last (Limited Edition Opaque Yellow Vinyl)
  • Tyrannosorceress – Shattering Light’s Creation (2-LP on 200 Gram Silver Vinyl Etched D-Side (Czech Import Limited to 300!)
  • Delroy Wilson- Go Away Dream
  • Jaymes Young – Feel Something
  • Neil Young – Decade (1977) 3-LP Tri-fold Remastered Pressing

In Defense of Shitty Beers

Sometimes it’s Necessary to Sacrifice Taste for Street Cred…

By Kevin Sterne


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I’ve talked about craft beer ad nauseam on this forum. Here. And here. Also, here. We’ve given a lot of attention to craft brewing, especially Chicago craft brewing, but I feel this publicity has come at the expense of non-craft beers, the un-crafters. Beers that, despite the bad reputation and unfiltered water, can pack just as much flavor—minus the prestige and sticker shock. Take Hamm’s for example, it’s an unassuming beer that has never indulged in the bells and whistles of its high-brow, new age brethren. Hamm’s doesn’t try to be something that it’s not (looking at you, barrel-aged IPA)— and that is admirable in a time when Donald Trump is still trying to be president and Kellyanne Conway is trying to be a human rather than an alien.

So even if you are a reptilian masquerading as a human, a baller on a budget, or a trust-fund hipster kid looking to augment your street cred in Wicker Park or Logan Square, I have the retro aluminum that won’t leave your wallet or palate dry.

  

Busch’s Light

Smells like your gym bag and tastes like your friend’s gym bag. Busch Light has been bringing friends together since 8th grade. The more cans you drink, the more it tastes like your friend drank it and then spit it back in the can. It pours a pale yellow, like drunk-after-sex urine and drinks as smooth as your pec flies. But not as smooth as Hamm’s.

2

Natural Ice

In a glass it’s nearly translucent, like you filled an empty yellow Gatorade bottle with water. But, don’t be fooled, this beer packs a lot of flavor. It tastes how your bathroom floor smells after a party. There’s plenty for your palate to sample here: the goopy bottoms of Converse sneakers, stale urine, residual puke stain, condom residue, and more spilled Natty Ice. A cocktail of flavor that will have your taste buds YOLOing for more. This beer is good, even great if you get it fresh, but still a slight notch below Hamm’s.

PBR

I’ve learned that this beer is drinkable at nearly any temperature. Throw it in the snow on the porch until it’s near freezing; this will mitigate any potential taste profile. Or let it simmer in your shed or garage during the dog days of summer. This helps bring out the flavors of dead field grass and skunky gym socks. You can even age a 24-pack in the trunk of your car; just let bang around for a few months until the case is sun beaten and the cardboard smashed. Remember to drink it as fast as you can, the less that touches your tongue the better.

Bud’s Light

This beer pours a faded parking-line yellow and smells like cafeteria creamed corn; both are excellent conversation starters at the next house hop. Bud’s Light is best enjoyed when found in a red cup with no name on it. You can also imbibe sips off a beer pong table. This one pairs excellently with dirty ping pong balls, cigarette ash, and 7-11 Taquitos. Overall, this is a beer worth arm wrestling over, but if you win the drunk push-up contest, you better down a victory Hamm’s.

MGD-64

Beer or cleaning agent? This dual-purpose adult beverage gives whiffs of Pine Sol and sun-dried lawn bags, making it ideal for scrubbing the hard woods or scrubbing your palate. This is my favorite chaser for any combination of the following: Malort, Jim Beam, Jose Cuervo Especial, Bacardi 151, Chivas Regal, and Canadian Mist. If you’re on a diet or if it’s cutting season at the gym (it’s always cutting season for me), then this and Hamm’s is the beer for you, bro.

Guinness

Literally, like the heaviest beer in the world. It smells like grandpa’s cigars and tastes like his garage. It’s sludge. But I drink it because he was Irish and I’m like 1/29th Irish, so it’s family tradition. I’ve had an Irish car bomb once because my older brother made me on my 21st. I like blacked out.

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Bud’s Light Limes-A-Rita

Pitbul is to John Lennon as Bud’s Light Lime-Ritas is to ___________.

  1. A) Holy Water
  2. B) Holly Water
  3. C) Holie Water
  4. D) Not as good as Hamm’s.

Milwaukee’s Beast

Tastes great with my protein. I get mad gains mixing it in my shaker after getting in a pump at the gym in Gold Coast. My Pi Kapp Alpha brothers and I killed off two 30-racks of Milwaukee’s Beast last Friday after I closed a sale with a major client. Who’s the man? Me. Now who wants to take shots of Hamm’s off my stomach.



Kevin Sterne is a writer and journalist based in Chicago, the editor of LeFawn Magazine. Apart from Shuga Records, he’s written about beer and music for Mash Tun Journal, The Tangential and Substream Magazine. His creative fiction has appeared in Drunk Monkeys, Potluck Mag, Defenestration, Praxis Magazine, Down in the Dirt Magazine, and Word Eater, among many others.

kevinsterne.com
Twitter: @kevinsterne
Instagram: Kevinsterne
Instagram: LeFawnZine

 

Chicago’s own Pipeworks Brewing Company and Dark Matter Coffee have a threesome with 18th Street Brewery.

Review by: Kevin Sterne


Pipeworks Brewing Company and Dark Matter Coffee are two institutions of experimentation in Chicago, consistently twisting tongues and bending palates with S’mores and Chile flavored lagers and hop-infused roasters, respectfully. The two cross pollinate the other’s nectar on many occasions; DM releases beans aged in Pipeworks barrels during holidays. In turn Pipeworks has brewed several coffee-forward beers: Dark Matter Machine Coffee Cream Ale and Grand Guignol: Act Two Oatmeal Stout.

For their latest sexual intermingling, they invited a third party, 18th Street Brewery. The child of this threesome—Attack of the Devil’s Lettuce, whose name and artwork alone raise expectations as high as a Wicker Park hipster’s brow. ADL is ultra-dank, coffee-infused imperial IPA that leaves the tongue pulsating from so much flavor arousal.

devil-lettuce

My tongue felt how my brain does when heavily caffeinated. I was wired to everything. And with so much going on in this beer, the stimulation can be a bit overwhelming. But I’ll break it down in simple terms:

• Look: No filtering leaves this golden child hazy and deep amber.
• Smell: Coffee, Coffee, Coffee. Some hops, a bit of malt. But mostly Coffee, Coffee, Coffee.
• Taste: A tome of flavor. Coffee in the front accented by tones of peppercorn, lemon, orange peel. The Sorachi Ace hops lend intense Earthy flavors, giving the swallow a pucker of vegetables plucked from the soil—maybe lettuce? This makes for a flavor clash that’s difficult to reconcile.
• Feel: Big and bulbous, with noticeable alcohol.
• Overall: The bomber size demands two mouths. Full disclosure: I didn’t finish the whole thing, there too many flavors fighting for attention, making the drink experience more taste chore than drinkation.

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While this three-pronged sexual conquest may have resulted in some tainted birth flued, this is by no means a bad brew. There’s a lot for the tongue to touch, and if you can get your slimy paws on it, pick up the Brain Tentacles and Wild Jesus & The Devil’s Lettuce record to stimulate your audio nodes in conjunction. A droning chamber of bass, sax and metal darkness pulled from the murky pools of Lou Reed’s long ago Berlin. Stir the brew and the tunes in a cauldron and puff on your devil’s lettuce. Now THAT is a sensory orgasm.



Kevin Sterne is a writer and journalist based in Chicago, the editor of LeFawn Magazine. Apart from Shuga Records, he’s written about beer and music for Mash Tun Journal, The Tangential and Substream Magazine. His creative fiction has appeared in Drunk Monkeys, Potluck Mag, Defenestration, Praxis Magazine, Down in the Dirt Magazine, and Word Eater, among many others.

kevinsterne.com
Twitter: @kevinsterne
Instagram: Kevinsterne
Instagram: LeFawnZine

11 Essential Life Hacks: Alternative Facts Everyone Should Know

by Kevin Sterne
Now Appearing in Drunk Monkeys


  1. When lifting heavy objects such as art history anthologies or potted ferns, always hinge at your lower back and focus on your groin for energy. These are main components of your “core” and generally the strongest muscles in your body. As you lift your Norton reader it’s recommended you release deep guttural yowls—for self-motivation.
  2. It’s better to run with scissors—walking allows more time for an accident to occur. In a recent double-blind study in which both the study administrators and the subjects were legally blind, results showed that running with scissors led to more positive outcomes. Results for running/walking up and down flights of stairs were inconclusive because the study was cut short.
  3. Most car speedometers are actually ten to twenty miles per hour slower than your actual speed. This has been a close-kept secret of the auto industry and law enforcement. Drivers think they’re going 70mph, but in reality they’re much slower. Think of how much safer the highways are because people aren’t actually speeding. Think of how much smarter you are now.
  4. Let your babies electrocute themselves when they are young, this way they are less likely to do it when they’re older. It’s shocking they still leave this one out of the parenting books. What should you expect when you’re expecting your baby to stick your car keys in the wall socket? Expect them to never do it again!
  5. Tin foil helps distribute heat better in the microwave. The media has been falsely portraying household microwaves and metal since the 1920s. It’s time to set the record straight and call these doctored photos of microwave fires what they really are: falsehoods. We challenge all of you to try starting a fire by nuking a 9×9 Teflon of soda bread. Fire? What fire?
  6. Cut your money in half to make change. This works for any size bill. Afraid to carry a $100 in your wallet? Leave half at home. Need to make change to foot the bill at the restaurant? Wait staff prefers you do it yourself.
  7. Leaving your lights on saves more energy than constantly turning them on and off. This is the number one secret electric companies don’t want you to know. Most fleece you every time you flip the switch or run the microwave. Stick it to the meter person by running your blender 24/7/365.
  8. Gargle with bleach instead of mouthwash to whiten your teeth. It’s practically the same thing as in-office bleaching and much more effective than whitening strips. At pennies on the dollar, this hack will pay of itself in ghost-white smiles.
  9. Chemotherapy is a great way to lose weight. These days, everyone has or has had cancer, and the before- and after- selfies show why. Chemo helps cut excess fat off your skeleton while drastically curbing your appetite. Sure, there is some pain along the way: you might lose your hair and have to get a wig. But, hey, do you want that Jesus-on-the-cross look or not?
  10. If you can’t get sushi, you can eat raw chicken. It tastes almost identical. You’ll also increase your odds of getting a tapeworm and losing even more weight. Imagine having a tapeworm and cancer! Could it get any better in this great nation?
  11. A cigarette is just as good as an inhaler. But for some reason cigarettes get a bad rap in the media. Pictures of smoker’s lungs and gum lines are clearly exaggerated. We won’t say there aren’t any risks to subbing your inhaler for an American Spirit, but again, cancer is in vogue. Plus, did you know the American Spirit Man was a World-class broad jumper? Smoke enough American Made Tobacco and that can be you some day.

Corrections: January 30, 2017

An earlier version of this article recommended Camel Cigarettes, which use Turkish tobacco. The editors are obliged to change it to American Made Tobacco.

Corrections: January 31, 2017 

A prior version of this article mentioned Turkish tobacco. The editors are obliged to tell you the following in regards to Turkish tobacco: “Turkish tobacco is not American Made Tobacco.”

Corrections: February 1, 2017

A prior version of this article mentioned American Made Tobacco without its slogan. The editors are obliged to print “American Made Tobacco. For Health!” at least once on this page. The editors are also obliged to tell you that Corrections are no longer Corrections. They are now Alternative Facts. 

Alternative Facts: February 5, 2017

A prior version mentioned Corrections. The editors have been swamped with edits b/c lay offs. We’re required to say correction(s) is not a word anymore. And we have to say you can look it up in the dictionary, it’s not there 

Alternative Facts: Feb 7, 2017 Year of Lord President

Intern here. I’m supposed to add all this:

  1. Lord President invented Microwaves.
  2. Lord President’s best friend evented smoking.
  3. Most people who picked tobacco in the 1800’s were white.
  4. Lord President’s family tree is full of people who picked tobacco.
  5. Lord President’s family invented tobacco.
  6. This was not plagiarized.
  7. Plagiarism is not a real word.
  8. Look it up anywhere.
  9. Ask most kids, they know it.
  10. This article was paid for by Mexico and China.

Kevin Sterne is a writer and journalist based in Chicago, the editor of LeFawn Magazine. Apart from Shuga Records, he’s written about beer and music for Mash Tun Journal, The Tangential and Substream Magazine. His creative fiction has appeared in Drunk Monkeys, Potluck Mag, Defenestration, Praxis Magazine, Down in the Dirt Magazine, and Word Eater, among many others.

kevinsterne.com
Twitter: @kevinsterne
Instagram: Kevinsterne
Instagram: LeFawnZine

New Vinyl Releases 6/2/17

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  • ’68 – Two Parts Viper (Transparent Green Vinyl)
  • Alt-J – Relaxer
  • Asphixiation – What is This Thing Called Disco (1981)
  • Dan Auerbach (Black Keys) – Waiting on a Song (Blue/Yellow Colored Vinyl)
  • Beach Fossils – Somersault (Red Vinyl)
  • Chastity Belt – I Used to Spend So Much Time Alone (Limited Edition Colored Vinyl)
  • Chastity Belt – I Used to Spend So Much Time Alone
  • Benjamin Booker – Witness (Limited Edition Blue Vinyl with Download and Poster)
  • Benjamin Booker – Witness (With Download and Poster)
  • Korey Dane – Chamber Girls (With Poster and Download)
  • Danzig – Skeletons (Bone with Black Vinyl, Limited to 500)
  • Elder – Reflections Of A Floating World (Colored Vinyl with Download)
  • Evanescence – Fallen (2003)
  • Evanescence – S/T (2011)
  • Evanescence – The Open Door (2006)
  • Flogging Molly – Life is Good
  • Marika Hackman – I’m Not Your Man (Limited Edition on Green with Orange Swirl Vinyl, includes Bonus 7″ and Download)
  • Halsey – hopeless fountain kingdom (Red + Yellow Vinyl)
  • Halsey – hopeless fountain kingdom (Clear + Teal Vinyl)
  • H. Hawkline – I Romanticize (feat. Cate Le Bon)
  • Hetroertzen – Uprising Of The Fallen (Limited to 300)
  • Institute – Subordination (Limited Edition Clear Vinyl)
  • Iggy Pop – The Idiot (1977)
  • Iggy Pop – Lust For Life (1977)
  • Iggy Pop – TV Eye (1977, Feature Recordings at Aragon Ballroom in Chicago, IL)
  • K. Flay – Every Where Is Some Where
  • Billy MacKenzie – Beyond The Sun (1997)
  • Manic Street Preachers – Send Away the Tigers (2007, 10 Year Collectors’ Edition)
  • The Men – Open Your Heart (10th Anniversary Reissue, Purple Vinyl, Limited to 500)
  • Miss May I – Shadows Inside (Sea Blue with Grey Splatter Vinyl)
  • North Mississippi Allstars – Prayer for Peace
  • Moon Duo – Killing Time (Expanded, Limited to 1000, Red Vinyl)
  • Overlake – Fall
  • Paper Tiger – In Other Words (White Vinyl)
  • Tom Petty – Full Moon Fever (1989)
  • Tom Petty and The Heartbreakers – Damn The Torpedoes (1979)
  • Tom Petty and The Heartbreakers – Hard Promises (1980)
  • Tom Petty and The Heartbreakers – Into The Great Wide Open (1991)
  • Tom Petty and The Heartbreakers – Let Me Up, I’ve Had Enough (1987)
  • Tom Petty and The Heartbreakers – Long After Dark (1982)
  • Tom Petty and The Heartbreakers – Pack Up The Plantation Live! (1985)
  • Tom Petty and The Heartbreakers – Southern Accents (1985)
  • Psychic Ills – Hazed Dream (10th Anniversary Reissue on Desert Sunset Vinyl, Limited to 300)
  • Revenge – Behold Total Rejection (24-Page Hardbound Jacket with Black Foil Stamp)
  • Rodrigo Y Gabriela – S/T (2006 debut)
  • Roselit Bone – Blister Steel
  • Sleep Party People – Lingering (Clear Vinyl)
  • Saint Etienne – Home Counties
  • TOPS – Sugar At The Gate (Limited Edition Sunshine Yell-o Vinyl)
  • Two Inch Astronaut – Can You Please Not Help
  • U2 – The Joshua Tree (30th Anniversary Gatefold)
  • U2 – The Joshua Tree (Super Deluxe Vinyl Boxset)
  • Vallenfyre – Fear Those Who Fear Him (Silver Vinyl with Bonus CD)
  • Various Artists – Zaire 74: The African Artists
  • Various – Beauty and The Beast: The Songs (Limited Edition Blue Vinyl)
  • Shirley Walker & John Carpenter – Escape From L.A. (Original Score Album From The Motion Picture)
  • Whitney – You’ve Got A Woman / Gonna Hurry (As Slow As I Can) (12″ Single with Download)
  • John Williams – Raiders of The Lost Ark (Expanded and Remastered Album from The Motion Picture)
  • Kathryn Williams – Little Black Numbers (2000)

Don’t see what you’re looking for? Chances are good the shipment (or us) may be running a little behind. Check the website for live updates of all inventory in the shop! Or order online!